personality tests. You know those things where you pick an option that best describes you or your feelings in particular situations and at the end of the test you get an idea of your temperament or personality? I love those things. When I first started doing them I truly was at a loss and wanted to know me. Like some online test could magically tell me about my past, present and future. Growing up seemed like a lot of work. Could I just learn, grow and be an adult without all the drama? Haha! These days I just do it for the fun of it. In those tests I would get questions like:
You have been asked to make an impromptu speech in front of many people.
Which situation best describes your reaction?
A. You would beg someone else to do it for you
B. You will get very nervous but do it anyway
C. You would jump out of your seat eager to start talking
Now these questions were difficult for me at first because I normally would gravitate towards the reaction I would want to have, not the one I would certainly have. I wanted to be the happy-go-lucky girl who would start talking even before she jumped out of her seat. Unfortunately, I was NOT. It took me years to accept the person that looked back at me when I stared in the mirror. But I finally did. And boy was it a freeing experience.
The business of understanding and accepting our real selves is one that cannot be left to chance. You are the way you are for a reason. You have a specific purpose that can only be achieved by you, just the way you are.
Society tells us ever so subtly that certain traits of characteristics are better than others. Certain skills are more important than others. This is not a new concept. To tell you to accept who you are without societal prejudices will make me sound like a broken record. Unfortunately, even though we hear it often it is somehow a hard concept to grasp and fully adsorb. Why?
Ever wished you could trade your gift of organizing and leading for someone else’s singing talent? After all there are hardly any reality shows that celebrate the organized woman but the girl with the sultry voice? She’s a star!
Ever wish you were the girl in the office who could organize office parties with the efficiency of a drill sergeant so all the dudes could talk about what a wife material you were? But you’re stuck with your working knowledge of Excel and accounting packages as if that was enough to secure you a second look from that tall fine brother who just joined the management team.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be better than you are but wanting to be someone else, so you could have someone else results, life, popularity? Now that is nothing but a wild goose chase. Give it up. It’s hard? I understand.
The truth is this, even if your real self wasn’t all that and you wanted to be better in one way or another, you’re never going to get there by denying what you are. All you’ll get is that constant feeing of inadequacy, trying so hard to be better in the eyes of others so they will accept you or see you as fitting into their world. Complete waste of time!
Ok. So you’ve tried it all -A lot of advice has been given about how to get over these issues and accept yourself the way you are. I believe the main problem with people with a less than stellar self-esteem is this. They are too self-conscious. Believe me I’ve been there.
It’s not all about you. Everyone isn’t looking at you when you walk into the room. Everyone isn’t wondering why you’re not married with seven children already. And, listen to this, even if they were, it doesn’t matter! To buy the lie that you have to live according to people’s thoughts and opinions of you is to remain forever in a cage of limitation. It’s like staying home all day every day because you’re afraid of breathing contaminated air. Or deciding not to ever walk again because someone else broke their leg... well, you get the point. Yes, it is totally pointless. I think when we realize that spending every waking moment wondering and bothering is a complete waste of our precious life and time, that is when we really begin to live.
Like I said, I’ve been there. The thoughts of what people would think of me made me not do things I thought so strongly that I could do. I was always afraid of criticism and judgment. I discovered my love for writing sometime after I finished up my Bachelor’s degree in Microbiology. Funny, huh? Well not to me. I had finally found something I really loved to do. Something that made me feel like a creator. Like I could create something for other people to enjoy. Well, the ‘other people’ part came much, much later. I couldn’t bear to have anyone read what I wrote, mainly because I wondered if it was good enough. There was my wondering-bothering-self, getting the better of me. Maybe if I had a great self-esteem and I hadn’t picked up tiny little mean messages as I grew up that I wasn’t good enough and smart enough and hard-working enough, just maybe I would have been willing to push my articles and stories in people’s faces as soon as they were done. But no. I hid them, because I didn’t want any critics telling me what I already knew. I wasn’t good enough.
Somehow I found a website online that encouraged people to write, share their work and get encouragement to become better writers. I thought to myself, it’s an online thing, I can hide behind that. No one knows me anyway, so even if they say something mean, it won’t bother me. Boy was I wrong. The first writing competition I entered was a blow to the face! The judge, a lady whom I have truly forgiven, cross my heart, said something about my trying hard to string words together, but they made no sense.
Now I can’t tell you how bad a blow that was. I was ready to give up for good. It was almost like a sign; a bad omen to let me know how bad I could screw up if I kept trying to work up the nerve to call myself a writer. Those were hard days I tell you. Being young and trying to discover and validate oneself is a tough job but the gains only come to those who hang in there. Somehow that’s what I did.
I kept on trying, hard as it was. A few months later I wrote a story on that same platform that earned me the title of Featured writer of the month. Now that was a small feat in hindsight, really, but at the time I felt like I had won the Grammy for writers or something. I thought, phew! There’s something going on between me and this writing thing after all.
So I share this story because I realize that apart from the general knowledge that we are loved by God and indeed the apple of his eyes our hearts yearn for relevance and significance. We want to feel needed and useful in some way or the other, and this comes in no other way than doing something with ourselves. Something tangible that can set us apart, make us able to help and reach others. Now, while we do not look to our achievements and intellectual attributes to determine our self-esteem and value we sure should be doing something significant in this world. Give yourself the opportunity to be versatile at something. Learn, study, go back to school take a course, start a business. Cast off those limitations and do something new. You’ll be better for it.
About the Author: Remi Roy is a writer, author and media content professional. Her book, "Ms. Unlikely," is the story of a young woman’s search for meaning, fulfillment and love. Her second book, "From the Sidelines" is a collection of historical fiction. She can be reached at http://thelightedgirl.com
0 comments:
Post a Comment