Unbreak My Heart

Are you tired of defending the things that cause you the most pain?

Fake smiles? A mask to cover up the real pain? Are you torn up on the inside??? A complete mess??? But you’re too afraid to really look within yourself and deal with the issues at hand? Do you find yourself being hesitant to give these issues to God? Is there a huge VOID in your…Heart… Soul…That only God can fill?

We have all been there. What is the last strand that you won’t take anymore?

Be honest with yourself. Find your truth. Confess it openly to God.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."~ John 1:9

My truth, most recent revelation that started this blog, was my discontentment with my single season. I haven’t been in a "relationship" since high school. My goal is to be transparent so that my story will touch the lives of others dealing with the same issue.

I looked at friends with constant relationships. No breaks. See, the problem was that I found myself comparing my lack of relationships to other people. I had to realize that we ALL have different journeys and experiences. I was uncomfortable because I have spent 8 years plus CONSISTENTLY not in a relationship. I felt like I was missing out on something. Is there something wrong with me? Am I worthy of a man’s attention and affection? Slight loneliness… Nights when your girls are all boo’d up, you get on Instagram and see "datenight" pictures…turn on the TV and see Bey&Jay, Yandy&Mendeceses wedding, the Bachelor,etc.

I did not know I shouldn’t compare our journeys. More importantly, I didn’t notice I was telling God "I’m not ok with where YOU have me". Not only was I discontent in my present…I obviously was not comfortable with ‘where’ God was taking me. When you are truly making an attempt to follow God’s will, you have to come to terms with the fact that a lot of times you will be set apart. I had to get comfortable with this idea. I had to learn that it was ok for me not to be like everyone else. Something that, as a people pleaser, I struggled with for a long time. I had to remind myself daily that my season of singleness was preparing me for my next season…my not yet.

So, I had to do a quick check, because that’s "MAD DISRESPECTFUL" (one of my favorite sayings lately lol). Really, it is rude to tell God "well you’re wrong, I’m ready for more". I never said that verbally but my actions said it.

I didn’t realize that every no, or waiting season was God’s PROTECTION for something way better. The reality is that God orders our every step…he’s aware of our NEEDS…WANTS…DESIRES. He has already answer every prayer. Every uncomfortable moment in life was a way of saying Yes to God…its not about me and my "feelings"... its about what he has that is BEST for us.

REPEAT THIS DAILY… Until your heart feels content...and KNOWS how much God loves us.

"For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."~ Jeremiah 29:11

This is my favorite scripture. Its on my graduation cap and on a note next to my bed as a constant reminder.

I encourage each person who reads this and I say this to myself…

We know better. Listen to your gut. If you’re struggling and know you can do better... Move into the uncomfortable. Break those soul ties. Prepare for God’s blessing by resting and consistently being in his word. He will reveal his promises to us. The uncomfortableness is preparing us to soar through life like eagles. #LivingTestimony

Were you encouraged by this article? If so, share with your sisters in Christ, with one of the author's hashtags.

#TEAMNoSettling #IChooseGodFirst #NewDirection #BreakSoulTies

About the Author: Xavier Johnson is a graduate of North Carolina A&T SU (AGGIE PRIDE!!!) She is a new resident of Colorado, working as an engineer but can't forget that she is a Georgia girl at heart. Xavier is a firm believer in Jesus Christ. She is  really working on truly being a follower. There is a difference. Daily, she looks to die to her flesh and pick up God's mindset for her life. Xavier is also starting a new blog called, "Devoted Diva," in which she is promoting being BOLD for Christ. All of the entries there and those submitted to Memoirs will be a reflection of her journey towards a stronger walk with Christ. She truly hopes that someone is touched, changed and welcomes God in their hearts to stay after reading any of her personal revelations. Love Always, God Bless!