I Am Weak...

Someone posted an article on Facebook recently that talked about how when a person says, "I am a

Christian," it can mean something quite different from one person to another. That was eye-opening for me, and it prompted me to examine my own life and heart attitude. While I’ve professed to be a Christian for nearly as many years as I’ve been alive, and I believe in Jesus as Christ as the risen Savior, my life did not reflect it.

One of the main points of the article talked about strength. For many years, I fought to be strong of mind, heart, and will. Physically, I am so-so in terms of strength (photos of me can attest to that fact). I believed my future was solely up to me and what I chose to make of it. As a result, I developed a fierce sense of independence which I clung to almost desperately. Asking for help from anyone—even God—was a sign of weakness, an admission to the world that I couldn’t do something on my own.

Not only that, but if I asked for help from someone else, I might become a burden to them. Never! Although I went to church almost every Sunday, I began to realize that I was the worst kind of hypocrite. Shame and guilt mounted to the point where it nearly decimated me. Yet I still pressed on with the façade that I was okay and I could handle life on my own. You must understand I’m also very stubborn. The fear of revealing to others all that I had done wrong—and fear of how they might react—was even more unbearable than the shame and guilt.

Well, my strength finally ran dry. At my lowest point, I found myself on my knees—at work, beside my desk—wracked with sobs, and tears streaming down my face. I cried out to God to help me. I’d tried for too long to do it on my own terms and according to how I thought things should happen. In so doing, I had sinned against God. In my determination to do it my way I was denying God access to work in my life. Would He come to me now?

I praise God that He answered my plea and led me to beautiful sisters in Christ. Through the acceptance, patience, and faith of these women, God showed me in a very real way how He’s always been with me. Ever so gently, over the years, He worked through the lives of my sisters to break through the walls—the jail cell of sorts—that I’d erected from my shame and guilt. In His perfect timing (not mine), He waited for me to finally admit my weakness, surrender my life, and ask Him to guide me.

I am happy to say that I now find my strength in Him. On my own, I am weak, prone to a prideful ego, selfish desires, and self-reliance. Does this mean that I am a model Christian every day? Of course not! But God’s graciousness has pulled me through many moments and days where I would have previously relied on myself alone. The Accuser likes to taunt and tempt me with my ego and past transgressions (that may be another post someday). But I have found my strength in this verse: I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

My sisters, I pray this gives you hope to turn to God when you are weak, but even more so when you are feeling strong. It is in the false security of personal strength that the Devil builds his playground, as he did with me. The Enemy knows that our personal strength will eventually give out, and He will pounce on that weakness to build up the walls of shame and guilt which isolate us from God and others. Stand strong, and do not give him that opportunity!

Finally, remember this verse: God is light, in him there is no darkness at all. 1 John 1:5 (NIV) Allow His light of love to shine on you and lead you. Speaking as someone who has lived in isolation and darkness, even surrounded by family and friends, God’s light can and will dispel all the shadows of shame, guilt, and weakness by giving us His love, forgiveness and everlasting strength.

About the Author: Katie Howard is a blessed woman, married to a terrific man & mother to 2

precious gifts from God. Raised Christian, long time church attender, she recently returned to Christ growing her faith & relationship with Him.  Katie has lived in Louisville, KY all of her life.  She's says while she may fail God daily, she  praises Him daily.  She is grateful to Him every moment.